Wednesday 6 January 2016

HELLO 2016

This time last year I made my wishes for 2015. When I wrote this post, I was optimistic. Life felt like it was fitting together nicely, and I didn't feel the need to make any grand plans, all I wanted was to enjoy the small moments, and continue to seek happiness where I could find it.

Banner by Jimmy Marble
2015 was a bit of a mixed year, if I'm honest. One of my family had a huge health scare, and it took me a long, long time to admit how scared I was. Waiting on results (that don't come for months and months) is horrendous. You don't feel like you have a right to feel truly upset until you know something is actually wrong, but the uncertainty, and the what-ifs are killer. I spent the summer bottling it up, brushing off concern, and doing my best to stay sunny and positive, until one day it floored me and I just couldn't stop crying.

We've had the results now, and wonderfully it is good news, but I haven't stopped feeling scared. I guess this is the first time I've really had to face the fact that the people I love aren't invincible, and as much as you care, you are powerless to fix them.

At one point this year I was facing a triumvirate of stresses. I was (unsuccessfully) house-hunting, and viewing weird ex-drug dens after weird pokey expensive flats; we were waiting on test results that were equally vague and terrifying; and work was hard, and I feel like I never reached the end of my to-do list. I was exhausted. I stopped drawing or even reading. I just felt drained and a bit out of everything.

But, people are wonderful, aren't they, and I feel so lucky and grateful for the amazing people in my life. They kept my head up when I was down, they adventured with me, they helped me carry heavy boxes and paint my house, they accompanied me on many pub trips, and they (importantly) called me on my self-indulgent sadness bubble, when I started to lose sight of myself. I am very, very thankful to have such wonderful pals and a wonderful boyfriend, and this year I intend to be much better at making time for the people who made time for me.

So, that was a bit intense, wasn't it? If 2016 fancies being a little less stressful, I will absolutely be okay with that. For this year, I've got a few fixed goals I'd like to achieve. I want to be crafty again - I got a sewing machine for Christmas (eek!), so I want to learn to sew, and hopefully be able to make my own clothes by the end of the year. I want to keep running, which means I'll have to sign up to a race, as actual fixed deadlines are the only thing that motivate me. I want to explore new places (at home and far away), and, as always, I want to find peace and joy in the quiet moments.

I hope you all have a lovely year, and that good things come your way.

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