Tuesday 28 April 2020


Well, here we are. I'm currently on day 40 of lockdown, and can probably list the number of times I've left the flat on my fingers. It's such a cliche to say we live in unprecedented times, but jeezo, has there ever been anything quite like this?

Here's the good news. My friends and family are safe and well. I've still got a job and I no longer have to commute to work. I feel very lucky to be spending lockdown in my lovely flat, although I am furiously jealous of everyone who has access to a garden. I'm doing yoga and it's done wonders for my mental health. I got a kitten (more on that soon!) and she is a JOY and a perfect distraction from all of this. I've connected with old pals, and thanks to video chat, my social life feels as busy as ever. I have millions of books to read, and I'm a bit of a homebody anyway, so being told to stay indoors isn't actually that taxing. I am working very hard to not panic about things that are out of my control, and focus only on the things in my own sphere.

And the bad? Bloody hell, look at it. I have driven myself mad by obsessively reading, listening and watching the news and feeling frantic about the what if's, and the what might be's. I live in a busy part of the city and there's always just people everywhere, I am pining for the countryside. I am relieved to still be working, but a bit jealous of everyone that's furloughed, which feels like a pretty selfish thing to say. Our cinemas have closed and the film festival has been postponed, which means all of the exciting things we've been working on have just stopped. I can't imagine how or when things might return to normal, and I'm curious and scared of what the new normal will be.

So, how do you cope with this omnishambles and keep your calm? If you know the answer, please tell me! I'm now trying to lean into wholesome living and stop myself if I spiral into apocalyptic thinking - what can I do if it takes 18 months to get a vaccine and there's no immunity and society collapses? (AHH.)

Instead, I am giving myself permission to do whatever it takes to feel calm and have a measure of control, which in my case is: buying flowers constantly (if I'm stuck inside, it better look nice); doing popsugar fitness videos (body pain dulls anxious brain!); ordering weekly deliveries from my local bakery; watching stuff for teenagers on Disney+; immersing myself in fantasy books; taking 1,000 photos of the cat; and bailing on video pub quizzes (because I am QUIZZED OUT, who does this many quizzes in real life?).

And I guess, I am also dipping my toe into a cautious return to blogging? It is pretty therapeutic to write your angsty thoughts down, I recommend it. Until next time, stay safe, and stay at home.