LIFE AFTER LOCKDOWN

We made it to May, and we're actually allowed to do things again! Anyone else feel a big ol' mix of emotions about it all? Anyone?

Best girl Beanie!

I've spent the last year, like everyone, going through a whole rollercoaster of emotions, stress, worry, anxiety and anger about what's going on, and what it's doing to our lives. I've been incredibly lucky - I am safe, my family are safe, I've kept my job, I've been working throughout so I've been kept busy (although the furlough jealousy was real), I live in a nice wee flat so my living situation has been under my control and comfortable, and we got Beanie (our beautiful sphynx cat) so the last year has been filled with a lot of love and joy too. 

But it's been tough! (obviously). My pay got cut, work was intense and stressful, I love my partner, but living and working and only socialising with each other 24/7 is pretty intense. I missed my family, my friends, getting to go places, getting to travel, getting to live my life how I wanted. I was worried about my health, about their health, about what might happen and how long it would take, how much worst things might be. Last March I'd got into a great routine of going to the gym and trying to be healthy, and then I spent my summer attempting to find the motivation to do online exercise videos, feeling frustrated and annoyed at myself. 

So I should be over the moon that everything's opening up again and we can go back to normal, right? And I am! But also, at the pit of my stomach, there's a little voice that feels weird about things. I am excited to get to see people, I've already had my first vaccine (wahoo) so I feel a bit safer to be around, and I am ready to spend time in a place that isn't just this flat. I want to go to the cinema, to wander around a gallery, to eat food that I've not made, to bump into acquaintances in the street again! I went to the gym last week and it was so lovely to just get out of the house (my standards are so low these days), and find a bit of my old routine. I didn't feel stressed, everything felt clean and safe, it was good.

But somehow, things already feel a bit too busy, a bit too much. Maybe there's just too many options after a year of having none? I'm not used to having plans! I feel like I want to baby step my way back into socialising, because I'm nervous that if I just charge back in, all the stuff I don't want to return will be inescapable. I don't want to go back to being crammed on a bus every morning,  I don't want to feel like it's a novelty to have a night in, I don't want to lose the time I've found for painting (and I definitely don't want to lose my days spent with Beanie!). But also, I don't want to be scared of normality! 

I guess I just want the best of both worlds, and after a year of reflecting and thinking about what matters to me, it's about prioritising quality time and quality experiences. What that means to me in 2021 feels different to what it meant to me way back at the start of 2020. So I guess it's just about taking things a day at a time and being okay with the fact that some people will be buzzing about life post lockdown, some will be nervous, and some, like me, will be sitting in the middle, wondering if they are being losers by fretting at all.

LIFE LATELY

Hi! It's been a while since I just chatted on here, so I thought I'd share a wee update on how life is going.

It's weird to think back to this time last year. The reality of lockdown was kicking in, we had a tiny brand new kitten (obviously brilliant, but a big addition to our lives), my partner was about to be furloughed for months, and I was about to go through some of my most stressful days at work (being a fundraiser for an arts charity was pretty stressful in 2020!). 

In comparison, this year, while I'm obviously not loving lockdown life, I feel much more zen about everything. Work is busy and pretty stressful still, but in more of a predictable way, I've settled into working from home (please don't make me go back to an office full time), we've found new routines, and I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.

Self portrait, March 2021

A big part of that is that I got my first vaccine in March! I was surprised to be called so early, but it seems that there are some advantages to the various health dramas I've been through over the last two years. I felt surprisingly emotional getting it, then surprisingly horrible for 24 hours of flu-like side effects, but I'm buzzing to be a big step closer to normal. It's not just that I feel safer, but that I'm less likely to pass it onto others - living in the city means that it's been hard to properly distance at all times (try going to big Tesco without people charging past you), so I feel much better that I'm (hopefully) less likely to infect others when I'm just out and about.

Because outdoor adventures were my highlight of 2020, I'm feeling motivated to get fitter so I can venture further afield when we are allowed. I've already talked about my new bike (which is a dream!), but I've been doing Yoga with Adriene videos, and I've started Couch to 5k again! If you've read this blog for a while, you might recall that I have a rollercoaster relationship with running, but this time around I actually feel motivated to do it! I think I'm just so glad for an excuse to get out of the flat for fresh air, and it is so much easier to do it when I can run at lunchtime as I'm at home (trying to get the motivation to run before commuting to work was truly impossible in the past). I'm only on week 2 of Couch to 5k, so we shall see, but I feel good about it, and I am embracing the small moments of goodness these days.

My favourite hobby these days is still painting, I cannot get enough! I recently tried a self portrait, which feels like a big improvement from my last effort (which you can see here). I'm alternating between watercolour paints and digital art and drawing loads of faces these days, it's just so nice to have a satisfying hobby and create things! On my art instagram (julietpaint) I am currently working my way through an A-Z challenge of alphabet portraits (so far I've painted Awkwafina, Billie Eilish, Claire Saffitz, Dana Scully, Emmy Raver, FKA Twigs, Gwen Stefani, Helena Bonham Carter, Idina Menzel, and me - phew!), but next up I actually quite fancy revisiting the paintings I did YEARS ago for my Illustrated Blogger series. I feel like I owe them a nice portrait! 

Other than that, we're using the time to start putting things into motion for our future, and while I'm pretty sceptical that things will just magically go back to normal in the summer, I am excited for lots of things. Can't wait to sit in the sunshine with my pals, to go to the cinema, to wander around a gallery and look at things that aren't on a screen (!), to go to spin class again (a surprising joy in my life), to go camping, and that sweet, sweet moment when we're allowed to go to beer gardens again. It is nice to feel things are a little brighter again. 

LIFE LATELY

Last time we spoke, I was gearing up for Edinburgh International Film Festival, and I was EXCITED.

Matching #edfilmfest nails by the brilliant Buff CS

Festivals are addictive things. You work on them year-round (shhh, people who ask "but what do you do the rest of the year?"), going from the calm, fallow period where you've got AAAGES of time to plan and reflect, moving into a slightly more concentrated state of deadlines-are-near, followed by months where it takes over your life, you never get to the end of your to-do list, and suddenly it's the month of your festival, you work every day, and emerge at the end exhausted and elated, unsure if you've got it in you to do it all over end. Then comes the chilled, planning period where you think 'oh wouldn't it be cool if we did this?' and you read lovely audience feedback which makes it all feel worthwhile, and it all starts all over again.

I'm currently in the exhausted and elated stage. This has been a hard few weeks. In a stroke of grim timing, I got sick the week before the festival started. Not just a bit of a cold, but a severe salivary gland infection - which I'd never heard of before, and wish I hadn't. It's kind of like the mumps, in that your face gets HUGE and swollen, but it has other fun symptoms like a swollen tongue (the grossest thing that's ever happened to me), fever, and a whole lot of pain.

I've never had anything like it (and I've had the mumps! This was worse), and it turned me into a sad little frog, waiting on antibiotics to kick in, up to my eyeballs on codeine, still trying to keep up with emails and phone into conference calls, even though moving from the sofa felt like an impossible task. I got through the week, my giant face returned to normal, and everyone was very supportive, but I think it's been a good lesson not to push myself through sickness like that again - two weeks on I'm only just really feeling like myself again.

EIFF Marketing & Development teams, hiya!

But the show must go on! And it did. We had red carpets and cool guests, lots of people came and liked what they saw, we drank a lot of whisky, ceilidh danced, I met interesting new people and watched great new films (my very, very favourite was The Biggest Little Farm - if it's playing near you, go see it!), and hung out with a great group of festival pals.

Now I've got a few days off to do nothing (what a treat!), then I'm off to a lovely friend's wedding, followed by a fun summer. I'm going to Dublin for the first time, it's the (other) Edinburgh Festivals, and then at the end of it all, I'm off to Greece so there's millions of things to look forward to... although secretly, I'm most excited about doing nothing this week - bring it on!

LEARNING TO LIKE SWIMMING

It took me three years to visit the Victorian swimming pool that was one minute walk from my flat. I never thought of myself as a swimmer, so I didn't think swimming was for me. I didn't do it competitively at school, and since the lessons we were forced to take, the only swimming I did was splashing about in the sea on holiday. I thought people who went to swimming pools were scary-serious-speed swimmers, and there wasn't really a place for someone like me.

Photograph - Soo Burnell (from her amazing Poolside series of Edinburgh swimming pools)

But the pool called to me. It was January and I was feeling sluggish, I wanted to do something. And it turns out, I hate running with an intensity greater than my fear of trying something new. So I bought myself an actual swimsuit (thank you bravissimo for making nice things built for my body shape), and headed to the pool.

The moment I stepped in the water, I froze. What if I literally couldn't swim a length? I could swim in the ocean, but that's more fun-bobbing-about, rather than trying to cross a pool and back. I figured it was do or drown, and I managed to frogkick myself along. It is a bit like riding a bike, I knew my technique wasn't great (and oh my god, my body hurt the next day), but I could do it! Yeah, there was some scary swimmers there, but they just ignored me. Everyone ignored each other. Exactly my type of activity.

Fast-forward five months later (!), and it turns out I really, really like swimming. I've been going roughly twice a week since the start of the year, and I can't imagine life without it. I didn't start swimming with a goal to lose weight (I think there's better sports if that is your focus), but I just wanted to feel better. And I do. I feel less sluggish. I'm sleeping better. And I can really feel the difference when I'm swimming. I'm still terrified of the fast lane, but I'm faster! And while I could probably do with a swimming lesson or two, it feels like my body finally is starting to understand what it's doing.

More importantly, is the mental calm it has brought me. When I looked back on 2018, one of my big stand-outs was realising how I'd carried a snug layer of stress with me for most of the year. This time round I wanted to be kinder to my mind, and swimming has been a marvel. When I swim I don't think about anything. Not work, not life, not even swimming. I can do lengths without realising it. I just don't think, I just do. I've not had anything in my life like it before, it is so calming, and has already been a wonderful cure-all to stressy days.

I'm about to hit the busiest point in my year (Film Festival is just around the corner, and our launch is only two weeks away - oh gaaaad), so here's the real test for me and swimming. Will I still go when I'm tired? Will it keep me sane when I am dreaming about pop ups (and other nonsense work-stress dreams)? We shall see. Wish me luck!

HELLO 2019

Well, here we are. It's a new year, and with that, the deafening proclamations of intent across all social media platforms - I'll do this! I'll be better at that! Resolutions can be really fun, but this year? Hmm, I'm not sure my heart is in it.

I love the first week of the year, when the world starts to return to normal but there's a certain stillness, an agreed slowness to it all. I always enjoy that final pause before I return to normal life - it's a time to reflect, to plan for the year, to get your home and mind in order, and to recognise the importance of things and feelings that might have passed you by in the whirlwind of the year behind you.

I feel happy and calm at the moment, and I'm just curious to see what comes next. It's not a big bold statement, and part of me feels like I'm sort of lacking, that I'm not running to take the year by the horns, or setting myself a million goals. Sure, there's things I'd like to do this year. I want to take another evening class, I want to start swimming, I'd like to explore more of Scotland, I'd like to go on an alpaca trek (am I just looking for ever more creative ways to fill the gap of a dog in my life? Shhh), I want to get more confident at cooking, and I want to spend less time with my phone and more time with a book (like every millennial in the world), but I definitely do not want to give myself to-do lists, when I have enough of them in my working life!

I think I'm just a bit sick of the grind, the idea that you must be striving to achieve at all times. I don't want to! So I'm not. Instead of setting myself goals and feeling that I have things! to! do! I'm just going to take some practical steps and let the good times follow. I've bought a swimsuit (there's a victorian swimming pool one minute from my house, which I've never been to, this feels like a missed opportunity), I've signed up for one of Edinburgh University's evening classes (I'm so excited to learn things without the stress of exams at the end), and I've deleted my work email from my phone (to hopefully end the habit of impulsively checking it all the time).

I know these are basically resolutions by another name, but the simple step of just reframing them as options-I-have rather than objectives-to-complete makes me feel so much more relaxed, and excited to see what I'll get out of it, and what surprises 2019 has in store.

Whether you are setting resolutions or not, I hope you can also shrug off the nonsense pressure about reinventing yourself and your life choices at this time of year. January is tough enough (and the world is overall, a bit gloomy) without heaping the pressure on yourself. So don't! Just have fun, be kind, and do it at your own pace, and it'll all come together.

LOOKING BACK AT 2018

Well, hello 2019! Just like that, the year is over, and before I get deep into reflecting on what's to come, I thought it might be quite nice to share what I got up to in 2018.

This was a pretty tiring year for me. Lots of great things happened, but I also spent a lot more time worrying and stressing about things than was probably healthy (some of that was unavoidable, but some was totally in my control - have I learned my lesson? We'll see). But I got to go to amazing places! And I did cool things. And I have very wonderful, funny, smart people in my life! Overall, I guess you weren't too bad, 2018.

Here's how my year went.

January

The year got off to a pretty excellent start, with a week in Fuerteventura to celebrate my ace boyfriend's birthday (I blogged about the trip here if you want to see where we went). The weather was beautiful, the company was loads of fun, and the very best bit - we climbed a volcanic crater where we discovered loads of tiny ground squirrels that clambered all over you!

I always find January a bit flat and grey, so it was so much fun to have something big to look forward to, and go adventuring so early in the year!

SOBA THE HEDGEHOG

It's fair to say I didn't know what I was doing when I first got Soba as a pet. I had only recently found out that you could even get hedgehogs as pets, and I made the decision to buy him one late Friday night in the pub, several drinks down.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I had just collected the grumpiest little hedgehog, who huffed and puffed the whole journey back to Edinburgh on my lap. His first night I woke up to the sound of tiny footsteps running through the hall, as he'd already worked out how to get out of his house. The second night, he fell asleep on my lap (the only time he ever fell asleep on me!) and I knew we'd be alright.

Hedgehogs take patience. They're wild animals, and they haven't been kept as pets that long, so they aren't naturally tame. They're covered in spikes and pack a nasty bite, although hedgehogs are unlikely to bite through aggression, instead smell and taste are how they explore the world (so you've got to keep an eye out in case a curious hedgehog wants to find out how you taste!). They are nocturnal, so you can only hang out with them at night, and there's no guarantee they'll ever be happy to be held. But oh, they are adorable.

It took, literally, years to get Soba to like me. But bit by bit we got there. He learned the sound of my voice, and that I wasn't a scary predator out to get him. He'd be patient enough to be held, but was always happiest when he was running. He litter-trained himself (what a clever hedgehog), so he got free run of the living room at night, going in or out of his house as he liked, via a giant cardboard tube that was the perfect size for him. We made mazes and hedgehog obstacles for him to play in and explore, and he was brave and curious and perfect.

Soba was almost 4, and I was starting to worry about what might happen at the end. African Pygmy Hedgehogs on average live around 3-6 years, and I just hoped, whatever happened, would be quiet and pain-free. It was not to be. Older hedgehogs can have trouble with their eyes, and within a very short space of time poor Soba went blind in one eye, and then scratched the other in a small injury that suddenly turned very dramatic.

In the course of a week, everything changed. Our little pal stopped running, he lost a lot of weight, and his world wasn't going to be the same. The vet was very kind and helpful, but it was quickly very clear that there was only one thing to do.

It's hard to explain the bond with a pet, never mind the bond with a small, spiky animal, but I'll try. He fitted perfectly into my life. He was curious and so, so cute, and worth every minute it took to win him round. He was a wonder, and in the end, he learned to be patient when handled by people he didn't know, who were so pleased to get the chance to hold a hedgehog for the first time. He was little, but I loved him so, and I am so incredibly sad that he is gone.

For such a little thing, the flat feels so quiet without him. It's been weeks, and I still go to check on him at night, and spot phantom movements in the corner of my eye that look just like an exploring hedgehog. There's no sound of small paws pattering on the floor. I know he had a good life, but I miss him so.

LIFE LATELY

If there's anything that years of blogging has taught me, it's that I am completely incapable of juggling fun hobby deadlines (i.e. weekly blogs) with actual serious work deadlines. I had felt like I had done a pretty good job of resurrecting this blog, but then film fest life took over, I had loads of deadlines, then we had to deliver the actual thing, then I went on holiday, crashed, holidayed again, and here I am!

I reckon I just need to get comfortable with the fact that this is how I handle my work-life balance. I'm always going to be a sporadic blogger when real-life amps up, and I think that's okay. So rather than make a big fuss about returning to blogging (again), I thought I'd catch you up on my summer!

Here's what I got up to:

We ran a film festival!

It was my third Edinburgh International Film Festival, which took place in June this year, with over 500 screenings, absolutely loads of filmmakers in town, 20 venues across Edinburgh, and 1 slightly disruptive heatwave. I'm the Festival's Head of Development, which means my team & I bring in and look after all of our funders, sponsors, partners, donors, and anyone else kind enough to want to donate to us, or cool enough to want to be part of the action (and why wouldn't you? Support your local festival!).

The most common question you get working in festivals is 'so what do you do the rest of the year?', as if the whole thing pops up overnight, and then is packed away. We were working on EIFF 2021 (ahh!) before we delivered this year's EIFF, so it is a bit of a never-ending task, but it's fair to say that it properly ramps up a few months before it takes place, and completely takes over your life.

Despite the stress/lack of weekends/general dehydration, I love festival life. I'm so lucky to have wonderful festival pals, and this year I got to see loads of amazing films, meet really interesting people, attend fascinating events (how Pixar design costumes! So cool), and the very best part of my job - reading the nice comments from our audiences each year (always guaranteed to make me a bit teary). I am quite glad there's a while before the next one though.


I went camping!

I'm a total camping convert these days, and for the last few years have ventured up north to the Highlands for a week of wild camping. This year we went the furthest we have ever gone, and drove up to Loch Assynt, a beautiful loch with a ruined castle on its banks and the legend of a mermaid in its waters, about 5-6 hours drive from Edinburgh.

There's a wee road that goes around the loch, but we squirrelled ourselves out of sight by its banks, and it was the most perfect week. I read loads of books (including the perfect book to read while camping), we ate amazing campfire food and drank wine out of boxes, we paddled to the loch's tiny islands in seek of firewood, and spent days just soaking in the quiet air and beautiful views. It's trips like this that make me want to up sticks and move somewhere very quiet and a bit tucked away from the world, I didn't want it to end.


It was the Edinburgh Festivals!

A bit of a change of pace, but as always, August in Edinburgh means Festival time! I think this was possibly my least enthusiastic year - I was still feeling a bit zoned out after film fest when tickets went on sale, which meant I missed out on a few things, and I didn't quite have the energy to try and navigate the 1000s of events that were on (although I was happy to sample the 1000s of festival bars that popped up).

Edinburgh International Festival stole the show with their opening event, Five Telegrams - a super cool and very beautiful event inspired by telegrams sent during the first world war - with digital artwork projected onto Edinburgh's Usher Hall, live choirs, and a moving orchestral score. They keep setting the bar higher for their opening events each year - I can't wait to see what they do next.

I went to Croatia!

And finally, I'm just back from a trip to Croatia... which will be the third time I've gone on holiday to a Croatian island, as I just love it there so much!

This time we went to Brač and stayed in this amazing, quirky cottage which was also a total bargain (thanks Airbnb!). The weather was beautiful, even hotter than I had expected for this time of year, so we spent a week exploring the island, reading books (in that hammock!), eating seafood, and just switching off from the nonsense of the everyday world. Can I go back?

HELLO 2018

I remember this time last year. I was sitting at this desk feeling so very, very tired after a year that taught me so much, but took every ounce of determination and will to get through it. It was a few days before the start of 2017 and I was heavy of heart, but there was also hope. So I painted this (sulking in self-reflection) and made myself a promise - I was going to be hopeful for what came next.

2017 was a good year for me. Turns out, the lessons of the previous year had given me so much. I knew more about who I am and what I want and what's important, and I'm willing to work towards it and take chances on things that are scary.

I learned to cook and finally realised how rewarding and relaxing it is to do so. I felt more comfortable in my job, and feel so so lucky to have a gang of work pals that keep me sane and motivated and are a joy to spend stressful days with. I got to go on wonderful holidays with wonderful people. I played loads of video games and read books and slept in and ate excellent breakfasts and it was great.

To top it off, we ended the year going to see Hamilton for my birthday (!) and my very thoughtful boyfriend somehow managed to organise a secret backstage tour afterwards (!!!). I was blown away. Christmas was spent with him, who I love so much, and wonderful pals, making wonderful food and drinking loads of wine. It feels good. Life is good.

I've found a lot of peace in recent years by realising that you can't predict what's going to happen next. Change is constant, people will surprise you. But you can pick the attitude you have to that change, realise life is just a series of moments, and delight in those moments. And that's what I want for 2018. I want to give less energy to stressful things that are beyond my control. I want to see more shooting stars, to move more (let 2018 be the year I enjoy running?), to take time to paint, to make more time for my brilliant friends, and to keep picking hope.

So here's to this year! Let's be kind and have a good one.

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

Hi! It's me! Again. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Top - Primark
Skirt - ASOS
Shoes - New Look from ASOS

I didn't intend to take an ENTIRE YEAR off blogging, but here we are. I had a whole heap of stuff to work out, which meant for a good few months last year, I took the pressure off in as many areas of my life as possible. I watched loads of terrible tv (now completely hooked on all things Kardashian), I read the trashiest books (come at me, Outlander), and I spent the majority of my non-work time in pyjamas (which, to be fair, is still true now).

I learned that I needed a break, badly. When life kicks me hard, my survival instinct is to turn into a cosy hermit, and that is totally okay. And bit by bit, things improved. Life was fun again, and I went out, and I actually read a book that wasn't an over-the-top dreamy Scottish time travel romance, and I felt so much better. It was like I'd evolved through the drama, into a more confident, braver, more sure-of-myself me. And I realised that if everything crashed down again at some point in the future, I'd be okay. And that is the BEST FEELING EVER. I wouldn't necessarily recommend that you seek out a big life crisis to get there, but the cliches are true, you weather the storm.

Look ma, I'm writing again!

So, back to blogging! I'm not sure if blogging is still such a thing, and I know I'm never going to compete with the super-cool gals that are out there, but I like it, I miss it, and I hope there's still interest in my scruffy round the edges approach to lifestyle blogger-ing.

Last time I was trying this properly I just burned myself out, by setting myself intense schedules, and saying yes to every opportunity, and not thinking about how my work-deadlines and self-imposed blog-deadlines would clash and cause furious frazzlement. This time I've got to pace myself! So as of tomorrow (Monday 23rd October) I''m going to post once a week, and maaaaybe twice if something super exciting happens? No promises though.

Thanks (again) if you've stuck with me, and hello to you if you're new here! I'm going to stick to my usual formula of writing about fun things (doing them, having them, wanting them), and I hope you enjoy. We've got to make time for the daft distractions in this intense, pre-apocalyptic time we live in. See you soon!

HELLO AGAIN (LIFE UPDATE!)

Hello there! It feels really strange to be sitting, writing in this blog again. Fun, stressful, exciting things happened, and first I was too busy to keep up with blogging, and then a horrible, awful, heartbreaking thing happened, and I was just too broken to even think about blogging.

But here I am. I've made it through the worst of it (well, I bloody hope I have), and I'm starting to pick my life back up again. I miss the routine and fun of blogging, so I'm going to ease myself back with an follow up to one of my last posts... a list of insecurities that I was SURE wouldn't actually turn into anything. Ahem. Who knew I was so good at predicting the future?

1. Insecurity: starting a new job!

I started my new job at the Edinburgh International Film Festival one week before the programme launched, and just a month before the Festival started. Starting a new job is scary, regardless of how prepared you are, and it was just a whirlwind of exhaustion, fun, stress, excitement and films. Some things went really well, some things were INSANELY stressful, and most times I just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

Luckily, the core team were absolutely lovely and welcoming (and answered all of my daft questions), and I got through in one piece, and now have a year to shape my department into how I want it before the next Festival hits. I have so much to do (so much, my god), but the team is lovely, and the Festival is really cool, they sent me on the world's most motivating training course, AND my office is in a cinema (which is a nice place to be).


2. Insecurity: my relationship!

Well. This has been the most horrendous thing that has happened to me in a very, very long time. Out of the blue my relationship ended, and it was just AWFUL. We had been together for years and had lovely future plans that just suddenly stopped, and it rocked me to the core.

I naively thought I had already gone through my big adult break up, so coming to terms with being single again (so alone!) and 30 years old (so old!) has been a bit of an adjustment. But my head and heart are sorting themselves out, and I am once again very, very appreciative of my wonderful friends who have rallied around me all summer. I drank loads of wine (too much wine), I cried watching Bridget Jones, I cut my hair to fulfill all break up cliches, and then I went on an impromptu trip to Venice with two of my pals because moping is for losers.


3. Insecurity: being a rubbish blogger

I am a rubbish blogger, I'm sorry. It's been over three months since I last updated,  and I have no idea if I have just driven all of my usual readers away (er, if so, come baaaack), but I hope not.

I am determined to get back in the swing of things though, and I have loads to talk about. I went to Copenhagen! And Croatia! And Venice! The August Edinburgh Festivals are in full swing, and there's ace shows to recommend (hot men performing zombie circus, anyone?)! Aaaand I'll probably have a bit of a reflection on life and love (because rambling cheers me up & everyone's lovely when I whinge on about life being tricky). Plus I bought ace new shoes!

So thanks for sticking with me, if you have done. Here's to the rest of 2016 not quite being such a bastard, aye?

INSECURITIES

I generally try and keep my blog a happy, positive place. I like writing about the things I like, and on the whole, I'm an optimistic, happy-go-lucky kind of person. I'm good at finding the silver lining, and even when I am a bit grumpy, it generally doesn't last for long.

Butttt, that's obviously not always the case. And currently, I'm feeling a bit out of sorts and unsure of myself. I think it's a combination of leaving a long-term job, starting something new and exciting, and  the last six months being pretty manic and intense overall - I bought a house! I moved! I spent months panicking about cancer! I delivered a massive festival! I got a new job! I've had about two weeks to do reporting that normally takes six weeks! Aaaaargh.

Courage, dear heart - Etsy print

So, in no particular order, here are the things I am currently feeling insecure about. Because I figure writing them down will stop me squirrelling them away, and then I can just get on with things. Right?

I am starting a new job
In two weeks I'll be about to start my new job. The good thing is that I'm really confident about the work I'll be doing - I'm moving into a very similar position to the one I do now, and I know I'm good at it, and I understand festival life. But I'm nervous about all the little things. I have to make new friends, and I'm starting during a really busy period, when no-one will have time to hang out with me. And I've got a track record of things going really wrong in my first week of a new job (e.g. spilling coffee down a white dress, accidentally kicking my shoe off and it FLYING across an entire office) so I am nervous about the small, stupid things I can't control.

I will not be working with Josh anymore
I currently work in the same office as my boyfriend, and while I fully appreciate that it is going to be a Good Thing working in different places, I still feel insecure about it. I currently get to see him every day, and now I won't. I'll miss him. I'll miss getting to go for lunches with my boyfriend whenever the whim takes us, and making coffees together, and all the nice little moments that make office life so much sweeter. Aargh.

I am seriously unfit
This time last year I was well into training for a 10k race, and feeling pretty good as a result. I tried to restart running earlier this year, but gave up pretty quickly (because it was dark and rainy and I am definitely a fair-weather runner). Now I'm starting to get back into it, but I'm slow and sluggish, and I've started feeling sluggish and uncomfortable in life too. I know that I need to embrace the fact that I'm making healthy changes in my life, and keep exercising/eating healthily, but aaaah, I feel podgy and I just want to feel fitter INSTANTLY.

I am scared of my mortgage
I love my flat, but the responsibility of having to pay for it, and ANYTHING that needs fixed, stresses me out. I didn't realise how much I liked the safety net of renting (and passing any scary bills to your landlord), until I didn't have it anymore. I hate feeling nervy about money.

I don't know what to do with my hair/clothes/anything
This is probably all linked to just feeling a bit BLAH in my appearance, but I'm just feeling pretty over my current style. I have a haircut booked the week before I start my new job, which was meant to be a nice treat so I'd feel all ace when starting, but now I am SO UNSURE what to get done, and I don't know why it bothers me so much. I'm over-thinking my whole wardrobe, and panic-buying clothes I do not need, which is not a good thing.

I am a rubbish blogger
I cannot make time for blogging when I have any sort of work or life stress, which is why I drop off the blogging radar several times each year. But then when I do have time, I love it! I love writing, and  I love the achievement of having posts scheduled for the week, and I love hearing from people who like reading what I write. But I worry that I'm just too inconsistent, and I'm driving readers away. I get jealous when I see bloggers like me that are nailing it (I want to be cool and have a signature style and work with brilliant brands!), and I question whether my chat is even relevant anymore, and if it's worth the effort trying to post three times per week, if all I'm putting out is mindless nonsense. AHH.

I don't make time for creative projects
I don't consider blogging 'being creative' (although I do logically realise it is), so I get mad at myself when I don't make time for painting or drawing or writing fiction. I love those things! They make me happy and seriously help me destress and feel better. So why don't I do them? Why do I spend my time watching terrible movies like Divergent, that I hate so much I end up just mindlessly scrolling twitter on my phone? Whyyyy?

I can't dance
God, I'm an awful dancer. I really don't know what to do about that.

And WAH. Pity party over. I know it's going to be okay really, but it helps to acknowledge all the little things that add up to anxiety. I'm really excited about what's ahead of me, and I'm sure it'll work out fine - I just need to avoid light clothes/hot drinks in week one of my new job!

30 THINGS I'VE LEARNEDIN 30 YEARS

Last month I turned 30, which I think (despite all my protests) makes me officially an adult. It's weird being grown up! I have two big sisters (who are 8 and 12 years older than me), and I remember when I was little I wondered how I would feel when I became a PROPER grown up, like they were.

Turns out, I feel exactly the same as I did when I was 20 or 25. I just know a bit more! I've got a bit more money, but a bit less free time. I like olives and fish and wine (good), but hangovers hit me harder (bad).

I've seen a few bloggers do posts like this, and I really like them, so here's my version. 30 things I've learned in 30 years...

1. Fake it 'til you make it
I was a painfully shy teenager. I used to blush horribly when anyone paid attention to me, or anything made me uncomfortable, and I hated it. That lasted until I met my high school BFF Steph (who is still one of my favourite people in the world), and she was brave and cool and I wanted to be like her. So I pretended to be brave and cool too, and it worked!

Turns out this is a technique that works well in so many different aspects of life. If you act like you've got it all sussed, people will believe you! And you'll give yourself the first stepping stone of confidence to actually get out there and do good things.

2. Nothing will work unless you do 
I read this in a daft motivational calendar at uni, and it genuinely gave me a bit of a wake up call! This applies to work, your personal life, hobbies, everything. You cannot achieve something unless you put effort into it. It's such a simple statement, but it is easy to forget - especially when you're stressed and just want to hide under the covers and wait for everything to work out.

3. Make the effort with your friends
It's very easy to lose touch with people when you are all busy, working busy jobs, with relationships and slightly different friend groups. But pals are wonderful, and one day you'll realise it's been a whole month or six months or even a year since you last reached out to a particular person. I've been bad for this in my life, but even worse, I used to feel so guilty about letting a friendship slip that I'd be scared to get back in touch. This year I'm determined to stop this happening, and say hello to the people I miss. I know I'd love it if they reached out to me.

4. But don't be scared to cut ties
Saying that, sometimes you lose touch for a reason. People grow apart, or you realise that a friendship is actually super unhealthy or just too much hard work. It is okay to cut people out of your life if they bring you down, are super draining, or you just don't want to be their pal anymore. Just don't be a dick about it.

5. Always have a pet 
Animals are the very best thing in the world, and as an adult you can buy whatever pet you want, whenever you want to. How amazing is that?! I really believe that a house doesn't feel like a home unless you've got a pet. I live alone and so having Soba (my very adorable hedgehog) gives me a routine I was missing, of caring for something, and having a little pal to spend time with.

6. Buy a bicycle
Yeah, it's a bit daunting to cycle in a city, but it doesn't take long until you become a badass, confident cyclist that zooms around town! I only really got into my bike two years ago, but I feel a bit helpless whenever I'm without it. In Edinburgh it's often so much quicker to cycle than getting the bus, you don't have to sit near awful commuters in a small, stuffy place, and you can leave at exactly the moment you want - no waiting around at bus stops or for taxis that'll cost you a fortune. Plus, when the weather's nice you can go on big weekend adventures (via nice country pubs). Bikes are ace!

7. Accept that you will sometimes look rubbish in photos
A while ago I came across a stash of photos from when I was about 17 or 18. I remember HATING those photos at the time. I was much curvier than my skinny pals, and I was really self conscious of my chin (I will never have a nice jawline, no matter what weight am I) and my hips. But looking at the same photos, 12 years later? I was a (skinny!) kid, laughing with my friends, and looking like I was having the very best time.

Accept that sometimes you will not like how you look in photos. Does it really matter? Isn't it better to have an unflattering photo of you having an ace time with people you love, rather than being the dreaded person who insists on checking a photo the second it's taken?

8. Take no shit, but do no harm
There's only one constant in your life, and that is you. Stand up for yourself and put yourself first, but never ever at the expense of others.

9. Learn to cook
Day to day I am a fairly lazy cook, but I can throw a mean dinner party, and I am not afraid to brag about how amazing my pies are. Find someone who can cook and copy them! Ask questions. Try cooking classes. Discover the total satisfaction of cooking for the people in your life.

10. Try food you don't like
I didn't eat fish for YEARS. I got weirdly wound up by being so fussy though - I wished I liked sushi (it looked so cute!), but I just hated the smell and taste of fish. That's until I started work at the Science Festival, learned that you can basically train yourself to like anything, and started on a journey of fishy discovery! It took a few months, but to my total amazement I tolerated, then liked, then loved fish, and I haven't looked back. Try new things and surprise yourself!

11. Go on adventures
The world is a huge wonderful place and there is so much to see! You'll never regret spending money or time on adventures (big or small).

12. Stop going to shit pubs
The best thing about being 30 and not 20 is that I can afford to go to nice pubs with nice pub food and  drinks that don't taste like watered-down sadness. I cannot believe people my age still go to bars we went to as students. Find a nice local! Stop ordering the cheapest wine! You deserve it.

13. Only buy something if you love it
My friend Brigid gave me this advice, and it has served me well for years. Only buy something if you really, honestly love it. If you like it, but you're not quite sure, or the sleeves are a bit funny, or you reckon you'll find 'somewhere' to wear/put it. Don't. It'll just sit in your drawer, unloved. Save yourself time and money by being ruthless when trying things on and you'll purge your life of mediocre things!

14. Practise makeup
Make up, like almost everything, is something you can get better at by simply practising. There are so many amazing blogs and vlogs and tutorials out there, there's no reason you should be rubbish at it. Even if you barely wear makeup, there is probably going to be the odd occasion where you want to wear eyeliner or false eyelashes. You don't need to beg your pal to do it for you, just practise a couple of times!

15. Bleach your hair when you can
I am mad that teenage Juliet didn't bleach her entire head of hair because I was scared of what my parents would think. Now I am 30, and I look at people with amazing rainbow hair, but I can't do it because I have a job where quite often I have to present to important/older/official people, and they would judge me and the company I represent as a result. I wish I had dyed my whole hair bright pink or bleach blonde or neon yellow when I could, because I don't know when I'll get the chance now. Sad face!

16. Be picky about your hairdresser
I spent too many years going to rubbish hairdressers where I just felt like I was someone on a production line in a busy salon. Now going to the hairdresser is an absolute JOY - I totally trust her with my hair, always love how it turns out, and I feel like she genuinely cares about me and my hair! You deserve a lovely hairdresser too. Try new places until you find someone you click with.

17. Buy yourself flowers
I think it's quite ridiculous that flowers get treated as a special occasion gift. Flowers are lovely and make your house very pretty. Get into the habit of buying yourself flowers (it's only £1 for a bunch of daffodils in the supermarket at the moment!) and make your world a little more beautiful.

18. Learn how to make coffee
Once you've had a nice coffee, you realise how horrendous mediocre coffee is. Get yourself a nice coffee maker (if you can't afford a machine get an aeropress or a stove top perculator) and discover the JOY of nice coffee. Plus it is super satisfying to buy coffee beans and grind them yourself!

19. It is perfectly okay to watch Disney as an adult
I remember being about 12 and having the horrible realisation that I was probably officially getting too old to watch cartoons, and very sadly having one final watch of all of my favourite films. I didn't realise that when I went to uni all of my flatmates would be equally as nostalgic as I was, and most Sunday mornings, aged 18 - 21, were spent on the sofa watching old Disney films and still knowing all the words. Now I'm 30 and I still go to see Disney at the cinema, and regularly watch cartoons. It's okay!

20. Don't beat yourself up if you can't afford to buy a house
British people have it ingrained in their brains that you MUST buy a property to be a proper grown up. It's nonsense. Yes, when you buy a flat you have total control of how it looks, but you often have to compromise on so much to find something you can afford (and then you are responsible for everything that needs fixed/repaired/done to it). Europeans rent forever, so don't kick yourself if you don't have a deposit to buy. Just focus on finding a nice landlord who will trust you, and won't freak out if you want to put shelves up (private landlords are generally much better than agencies!).

21. Learn a good party trick 
Everyone needs a party trick. When I was younger I had stretched ears, and I could fit a pen through my earlobes (sorry mum). Now I can hula hoop with FIRE (not for long, but that's not the point).

22. Enjoy everyday moments
Life is so much more than a countdown to the next big exciting thing. Life is also pottering round your flat, chatting to pals at work, drinking coffee on a grey day, and marathoning the Vampire Diaries on netflix with zero shame. Aim to enjoy the quiet moments and the boring moments too.

23. Read lots of books
Books will bring you joy, and help heal your heartache, and take you on adventures, and teach you about the world. They will make you laugh and cry and think and find solace when you need it. They are the very best thing, and you should aim to have one in your bag at all times.

24. Get a dishwasher
I don't care that this makes me sound like a total grandma - if you are in a position to get a dishwasher, GET A DISHWASHER. I have only recently discovered the absolute joy of dishwasher ownership, and it feels like my life has improved a million times over. Life is too short to do dishes in the sink (or whinge about the dishes you should be doing).

25. Think 'will this matter a year from now?'
Life will occasionally be awful. Someone will hurt you, or you'll make a mistake, or do something stupid, or something bad will happen. It's pretty much just how life goes. But pain is helped by sleep and time, and in the midst of it all going wrong, it can be helpful to ask yourself if it'll really matter a year from now.

26. Pay your bills on time
This one's pretty obvious. Pay your bills, don't ever skip anything for a stupid reason, and don't be scared to ask for help if you need it.

27. Do not panic at interviews
When you go into an interview, remember that the interviewers are on YOUR SIDE. They picked you because they liked the cut of your jib, they want you to do well, and they definitely won't judge you if you are nervous (it's actually nice to see the person genuinely wants the job!). Also, if you're ever in a group interview with a task, always volunteer to be the person who writes notes!

28. There is no such thing as too many notebooks
There just isn't.

29. Put your mobile down!
If you are with people, put your phone down. If you're having dinner, put your phone down. If you're struggling to sleep and it's the middle of the night, put your phone down.

30. Remember you are still young 
If I had written a post like this when I was 20, I bet I would read it back and cringe and cringe. It feels like an absolute lifetime ago, but it was only 10 years? I'm not sure where I'll be in the next 10 years, but I'm looking forward to the things I'll learn (and the embarrassment of rediscovering this blog one day). Bring it on!

HELLO 2016

This time last year I made my wishes for 2015. When I wrote this post, I was optimistic. Life felt like it was fitting together nicely, and I didn't feel the need to make any grand plans, all I wanted was to enjoy the small moments, and continue to seek happiness where I could find it.

Banner by Jimmy Marble

2015 was a bit of a mixed year, if I'm honest. One of my family had a huge health scare, and it took me a long, long time to admit how scared I was. Waiting on results (that don't come for months and months) is horrendous. You don't feel like you have a right to feel truly upset until you know something is actually wrong, but the uncertainty, and the what-ifs are killer. I spent the summer bottling it up, brushing off concern, and doing my best to stay sunny and positive, until one day it floored me and I just couldn't stop crying.

We've had the results now, and wonderfully it is good news, but I haven't stopped feeling scared. I guess this is the first time I've really had to face the fact that the people I love aren't invincible, and as much as you care, you are powerless to fix them.

At one point this year I was facing a triumvirate of stresses. I was (unsuccessfully) house-hunting, and viewing weird ex-drug dens after weird pokey expensive flats; we were waiting on test results that were equally vague and terrifying; and work was hard, and I feel like I never reached the end of my to-do list. I was exhausted. I stopped drawing or even reading. I just felt drained and a bit out of everything.

But, people are wonderful, aren't they, and I feel so lucky and grateful for the amazing people in my life. They kept my head up when I was down, they adventured with me, they helped me carry heavy boxes and paint my house, they accompanied me on many pub trips, and they (importantly) called me on my self-indulgent sadness bubble, when I started to lose sight of myself. I am very, very thankful to have such wonderful pals and a wonderful boyfriend, and this year I intend to be much better at making time for the people who made time for me.

So, that was a bit intense, wasn't it? If 2016 fancies being a little less stressful, I will absolutely be okay with that. For this year, I've got a few fixed goals I'd like to achieve. I want to be crafty again - I got a sewing machine for Christmas (eek!), so I want to learn to sew, and hopefully be able to make my own clothes by the end of the year. I want to keep running, which means I'll have to sign up to a race, as actual fixed deadlines are the only thing that motivate me. I want to explore new places (at home and far away), and, as always, I want to find peace and joy in the quiet moments.

I hope you all have a lovely year, and that good things come your way.

FRIDAY FLAT CHAT:ONE WEEK TO GO

It's been 10 weeks since I first viewed the flat, 6 weeks since my mortgage was approved, and 5 weeks of Friday Flat Chat posts, where I've excitedly counted down the days to moving in by daydreaming about my new home. Now there's just 1 week left before I get the keys and move in.

I've owned a house before, so I'm not sure I should be this excited about my new flat, but I can't help it. This time it's mine, all mine, and I get to decorate it exactly how I want, without having to ask anyone what they think (or compromise on mediocre solutions).

That's exciting and overwhelming at the same time - I forgot that there's SO MUCH STUFF to do when you buy a flat, and I've had to do it all myself. Order everything, read all boring paperwork, organise all movers and deliveries, update addresses and change suppliers and call the council and meet with solicitors and ahh. I know it's good to be independent and that's partly why it's SO ACE, but it's also really stressful and exhausting. I alternate between feeling like Lesley Knope and needing an adult.

But I've been productive! I managed to finally convince the Ikea website that my delivery address actually existed so my furniture will arrive on time (although I'm dreading the amount of flatpack I'll need to build!). I booked my man with van, and a tiler AND a cleaner. I sorted out the very last of my dull-but-important paperwork, so I hopefully don't have any more massive documents to read, and, importantly, I paid my deposit. It's actually happening!

I've now got one week to say goodbye to this flat, which was such an important stepping stone for me after a very difficult part of my life. This little space gave me the breathing room to feel calm again, to pick up the pieces after an exhausting year, to like myself, and to love another (very wonderful) person. It's a small space but it's always bright and sunny and it's felt exactly like home. I'll miss my beautiful stairwell with its old mosaic doorway, my window seat that is the perfect spot for gazing on the world, and Sunday mornings, basking in the sunshine, coffee in hand.

The days are drawing in, but it's time for new beginnings. I just need to pack first.

BEING HAPPY

I remember this time last year - a whirlwind of stress and excitement and nerves and hope. I had just returned from a much-needed adventure and was attempting to readjust to the real world. My house (that I was living in with my ex) finally sold, giving me only a couple weeks to find a new home in the city. I started a new relationship, and I interviewed for a promotion during one of my busiest month's at work. It was exhausting. 

And twelve months on? I'm sitting in my flat, coffee in hand. The sun is streaming through the windows, and my little windowsill garden (which has just been tidied up and replanted) looks happy. I booked a couple of extra days off this week because it always feels so lovely to have a secret holiday when the rest of the world goes back to work. I've got a pile of new books to read, and the flowers my boyfriend bought for our anniversary are yellow and bright and singing of spring. It's peaceful.

I remember the day I wrote this post. I was scared about life and what was going to happen, but I was determined to hold on, and not give up hope. So when things FINALLY started falling into place at the start of 2014, I was completely drained. Over the last twelve months I've had to learn how to breathe again, to let go of putting on a brave face, and trust my instincts. And it seems to have worked.

So, for 2015 I'd like more of the same please! I'm not going to set myself super specific resolutions, instead I'm going to continue to make choices that make me happy. I want to go on more adventures, I want to be kind to people, I want to get more energy in my life (which I think I can fairly easily solve by eating breakfast in the morning - I am terrible about missing meals). Really I just want to feel happy in the small moments that make up my life - whether that's doing something super exciting, or a day in my pyjamas playing video games.

Neil Gaiman is one of my favourite authors, and every now and again he writes a really beautiful New Year's Wish. This is his for 2015, and I think it's pretty perfect.

Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.  

Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It's too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand. 

Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.  

Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.    

Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.

Neil Gaiman - New Year's Wishes 

Happy new year everyone. I hope it's a good one.

Scottish Independence

Something very exciting is happening. Two years ago the UK and Scottish Government agreed on a referendum for independence in Scotland. And tomorrow, we vote.

I don't really feel qualified to write about politics, but it would feel strange not to mention it at all. If you aren't in Scotland (which, surprisingly, actually applies to the majority of this blog's readers) you might not have heard much about it, or even cared. But here, the atmosphere is electric.

I'm not going to talk about what way I'm voting, or why, because I think the most exciting thing of all is how people have changed. I've been eligible to vote for ten years, but I've never seen people (of all ages!) so passionate and eager to learn, to find an answer, and to talk to others about it.

It's gone far beyond boorish suited politicians shouting at each other. It's the conversation that's happening on the street, in the pub, between friends, and with people you've only just met. It's not the angry, scared, bitter fight that it might appear on tv either - I realise that there are idiots on both sides (and tensions have been growing pretty high in the last few days), but every conversation I've had with yes, no, or undecided's has been measured and considerate and respectful. We know that we all have to live together regardless of what way the vote goes. It isn't about country or a particular party or even a particular person. It's about making a decision. And I'm just so impressed with the good humour and intelligent thinking that I've witnessed from the people I've met.

So who knows, what'll happen on Friday. 97% of people have registered to vote, with a turnout of 80% expected. So whether it's a yes or no, either way we've got a country full of people who are talking and asking questions, and (in my case) thinking that perhaps I can write about politics after all. And that's very, very exciting.

Max

It's been a difficult week. On Friday I found out that my lovely horse Max was sick. On Saturday, the vet visited and my sister & I made a difficult decision. I saw him on Sunday, and by Monday he was gone.

I don't know if I've written about Max much on this blog, which makes me sad. He was a dream come true. For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with horses. I grew up, following in my big sister's footsteps by learning to ride, spending every weekend helping out at a stable, reading anything I could find about horses, and doing all I could to learn about them, to spend all of my time with them.

When I was 14, I realised that, no matter how much I wished, I wouldn't magically just be given a horse - so I decided to take matters into my own hands (sorry mum). I visited every farm/stable within walking distance and asked them how much livery costs would be, and put together a spreadsheet that argued how loaning a horse was actually cheaper than the cost of riding lessons. One of these farms asked about the horse I was bringing... in a panic I said I was also looking for a horse to loan, and they just happened to have one that fitted the bill.

Of course, I agreed to come back, try out the horse & meet the owner (at the time I was just thinking about a free ride), so I had to rope my big sister into coming with me (that wasn't hard). We met Max, we fell in love, and my well-researched case for taking on a horse, somehow, convinced our parents to go along with it.

It turns out, he was a total wimp. At first, we couldn't tie him up in the yard as he was scared to be alone, he would spook at EVERYTHING, including water (I have fond memories of falling off mid-canter as he caught sight of his own reflection in a puddle), and the only time we got a rosette, he ran away from the ribbon. He would beg with his front leg when he wanted something, and had to get his mane cut into a mohawk every summer because he would scratch it off.

But he was the most beautiful, patient horse. He learned to be brave (well, braver) quickly. He neighed when he saw me come into the barn. Whenever you groomed him, he would try to groom you back, and if I was walking through the barn, he would follow me without a lead rope, head gently pressed against my back. Every difficult moment in my life has been made better by spending time with him - either riding, forgetting about everything, or by simply grooming him, listening to his soft whickers, the way he would lean against you, lazily, heavy and comforting and trusting.

I moved away for uni, and my sister took over main owner duties (we had shared him equally up until then). I visited as often as I could, and spent my summers at the farm. Then when I got a job I came home once or twice a week to see him, and ride. Then work got busier, life was more chaotic, and well, things changed. I visited, and rode when I could.

But, oh, how I wish I had visited him more.

In a cold and dreich Spring, the skies turned blue this weekend. Max's last day was spent in the sunshine, grazing in the field with his friends. He had painkillers, so he didn't hurt. I hugged him and he groomed my back, just like he always did. He was 18, and his life was good. We loved him so.

Ever So Juliet is three!

Oh goodness me, where does the time go? This week marked a whole three years since I first blogged, which seems all sorts of crazy.

I know I say this pretty much every time I write about blogging, but it honestly amazes me how many people read this. There's loads of you. Thousands (actually tens of thousands). Each bloody month! That is insane, you guys. And I've been rubbish at posting regularly, but you keep coming back, and that's really nice (but bonkers, obviously).

This has been a rollercoaster year for me. Lots of intense things have happened, and while I've tried to keep a cheery face on the surface, I opened up a bit and wrote a very honest blog post. I knew people would read it, but I absolutely hadn't expected the flurry of comments and emails and tweets and facebook messages I got after that. People I had never spoken to before sent me encouraging messages, or just told me about their own stories & how they got through it, and that was so ridiculously touching.

So yeah, I guess this is the year that I properly realised how brilliant blogging is, and how it really connects you to people from all sorts of places, with all sorts of things going on in their lives. It's like having a really cool gang.

Thank you to you if you've read from the very beginning (hi mum), or just started reading today. Thanks if you've sent me a message or tweet, or said hi if you've spotted me in person (that happens! & is often so unexpected that I forget how to speak like a real person!). Thanks for reading my rambles through the good times and the bad. I hope I've taught you something useful (or pointless), and I hope you continue to keep reading!

Bring on year four (where I promise to get back into the swing of things...)!

p.s. if you are thinking 'ooh, I'd quite like to write a blog' then you should DO IT! Here are some blogging tips... you won't regret it.

Moving to the city

I've got some exciting news. After what feels like forever (although realistically, only four months) my house has sold! That means I'm moving back into my beloved Edinburgh, and into a wee flat all to myself. 

Tenements by Cassandra Harrison

So now I am packing. I have to work out how to fit half the contents of a three bedroom house into a one bedroom flat, and try to be ruthless about what I hold onto and what goes to the charity shop. Craig & I have tonnes of furniture that we aren't quite sure what to do with (anyone fancy a sofa?), aaaand I have to sort through boxes that are still untouched from our last move. Gulp.

But I'm going back to the city! After two years of long commutes & freezing buses, I'm moving just across the road from my work. I'll be in an old building again, one with views over Edinburgh rooftops. Once again, I can meet up with friends on only a moment's notice, I can spend my Sunday mornings in coffee shops, and I'll save a fortune on taxi fares.

I have a week to say goodbye to the suburbs. It isn't the right place for me now, but I loved it when it was. I'll miss the views from my street - you can see the cobweb of lights across Edinburgh, the darkness of the Forth, and the distant whisper of Fife. I'll miss the absolute quiet of the farm tracks near my house. There is no better place to walk when you want a moment of peace to yourself. I'll miss how clear the skies are, and how well you can see the stars. I'll miss the smell of country air, of living next to fields and parks and trees.

But that's life, isn't it? Things change, and that's okay. It's a series of different moments, and I am going to make sure mine are as fun as they can be. 

(Plus, for the first time in six years I won't have to run decorating decisions by anyone!).